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Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Jesus the Pooh

So I was reading this book called "The Holy Bible" the other day and was fascinated to read the story of Jesus of Pooh. In reading the gospel according to Matt, I learned that Jesus' mother "Maury" was impregnated by a martian who came down in a spaceship and told her that she would be the mother of God. Fascinating. It turns out that Maury and her husband "Joe" were on their way to a Nazareth concert one December long ago and could find no room in any of the hotels. It's unclear why the hotels were all booked, but Matt speculates it was due to either it being so close to Christmas or simply a lot of Nazareth fans. Anyway, that part was not real clear to me.

Joe, the father of Jesus did not seem all too ticked off that a martian was the father of his child. Joe, was a talented garbage man at the time and assumed that whatever god wanted was good enough for him. So jesus was born in a converted garage of some friends they had and a whole bunch of people found out and brought gifts including goalposts, Frankenstein dolls and myrrh (whatever that is). Jesus grew up and apparently was very confrontational. At 13 he argued with a bunch of old men with beards and told them they were going to hell. The old men said "Christ you're not bringing that crap up again" and that is how jesus earned the nickname "christ". Apparently people began to hate Jesus because he kept taking all the good fishermen away and making them work for him (for free). At one point they were about to lynch Jesus but the guys learned to bake bread and caught a whole crapload of fish so that kept everyone happy for a while.

In the end though people didn't like Jesus the Pooh and he was stabbed outside a deli. He didn't die (even though everyone thought he did) and was having lots of fun spooking people by suddenly appearing at dinner parties and saying "Boo!". Then one day he just up and disappeared and no one has seen him since. He has attracted a large following of 'Christ'ians to this very day.


Joe Meert

PS: I wrote the above for one reason only. Often I am approached by young earth creationists and asked to 'well explain this problem with science I've found?'. When I read the 'problem' it becomes apparent that they've completely mangled the real science such that they are asking me to defend/refute a straw man. My answer is to ask them to defend why they believe in the story of Jesus the Pooh as told in the bible (above). If truth be told, my parody of the story of Jesus is at times far more true to the bible then some of their depictions of science.


At 2:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This "Jesus the Pooh" isn't very strongly arguing for the unmeter-
able planetwide energetics where-
by Earth's continental division be-
gan being real science in light of
the fact that Dr. Meert is backing
down to Dr. Walter T. Brown's de-
bate offer.

At 3:55 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

Huh? Dr. Brown has had my signed debate form since 2000. Don't know where you decided that I've ever backed down. The ball's been in his court for over 10 years. I guess I'll give him another 10 or so.


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